King Kyouken (kingkyouken) wrote in hall_of_badass,
King Kyouken

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Whoop That Ass, Rockabilly Joe!

(Note: This is an entry from my regular journal, but since it was pretty Bad-Ass I felt I should share it here as well...)


I just had a funny-ass conversation with Erika about "X Japan fans getting beaten down in Yoyogi Park." I know it probably doesn't sound so hilarious, but I've seen it happen; trust me, it's fucking COMEDY. Not that I have anything against X Japan fans, it's just that it's hella funny seeing a fight between one of those painted up Japanese full-on Goths and one of those greasy-ass Japanese full-on rockabilly guys that look like they were dropped from a Grease audition.

I know they usually look like pussies, but some of those rockabilly dudes are pretty hardcore, man. I saw one of those guys lay a pretty wicked beatdown on like four of those Tupac-wannabe hiphop kids once. Dude was just chilling in Yoyogi Park, dancing like he was in that one contest at Jack Rabbit Slim's in Pulp Fiction, when those four punks with their pants down around their knees and their Aunt Jemima do-rags and everything step up and start laughing at the rockabilly dude and his friends (there were like five of them altogether) and making fun of the way they're dancing and stuff. At this time, I was sitting on a bench with these candyravers I had just met at Hanjiro down the street, and since everyone was apparently high I had to point out to them the fact that there was some violence about to occur. So anyway, Marky Mark & The Funny Bunch start yelling shit out like "You guys are hella gay!" and "What year do you think this is?" and "Look at these stupid bitches!" and one of them (I swear to God, some of those stupid-ass Japanese rapper-wannabe kids actually do this...) throws up his hands and goes "Westside!" This is where I start laughing my ass off and pointing at him going "UWAAAHAHAHAHAHAAA!! MOTHERFUCKER SAID 'WESTSIDE'!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!" and embarassing him in front of his friends and the rockabilly dudes.

Apparently, this gave the rockabilly dudes some courage because they started talking shit back, like "Look in the mirror... you're JAPANESE, not black!" and "They look like they shit in their pants!" and "That rag looks really cute, like an old woman in a bento shop!" Now the hiphop kids are starting to get pissed off, because I'm still pointing laughing at them like HELLA loud and apparently they realized that they couldn't exactly do anything about it, seeing as how I'm like twice the size of the biggest one and I was also with about 10 other people, half of whom looked like they were pretty hardcore themselves.

So the hiphop kids and the rockabilly dudes keep talking shit, and eventually one of the hiphop bitches steps up to one of the rockabilly guys and starts staring him down like he's gonna kick his ass. The rockabilly dude is cool, though. He just stands there, not moving, waiting for the kid to try something. After about 30 seconds of this, one of the other hiphop kids gets in between them and tries to punch the rockabilly dude in the face, and this is where it gets cool. The rockabilly dude, apparently skilled in the ancient ways of Fucking Shit Up, totally ducks the kid's punch and comes back up and goes *DOINK!* and slams the kid's punk ass straight in the mouth. Just then, the kid's three homies jump in and start trying to hold Rockabilly Joe down, but he won't have any of that, now. Single handedly, he goes on this Ass-Kicking Crusade against these hiphop kids, man. For about three minutes, he's just like tossing these punks all over the place like they were, I don't know...

really... tossable...


Anyway, so he's kicking the SHIT out of these four hiphop kids like a ninja on PCP, and meanwhile my mates and the other rockabilly dudes and myself are all yelling and cheering and laughing and stuff, and finally two of the hiphop kids run off like BITCHES and the other two are crying and screaming, all red-faced, like basically begging the guy to leave them alone. So you know what Rockabilly Joe does? He stops kicking one of the kids, looks at them and laughs, and goes back to his radio and keeps dancing. Like nothing even happened. That was The SHIT, man.

I wish I could have somehow recorded that whole little episode, man. That was seriously some funny shit. It also served to teach me that yes, there are some pretty hardcore rockabilly dudes in Yoyogi Park.

Which is the moral of this story.

"Don't Fuck With Rockabilly Joe."

Thank you, Yo' Majistee.
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